The other day I felt like just leaving my kid, my life and everything on the street and just run. Run like Forrest. I was having a rough day after lack of sleep the night before since I was working until 0200 in the morning finishing off a project in the workshop. Running to school to get my son in time I almost didn’t make it since I was carrying a super extra mega large packet with heavy books that I just had picked up from the post office alongside a big bag with lamps for my job I did on TV4 morning show -Saturday. So tired, stressed out and heavy cursing because isn’t the thing with ordering stuff online i.e. books that you will get them delivered to your door? I mean come on. I must have passed at least 3 book stores along the way to the post office.
Well when I got to his school he was hungry and a bit whiny but he got a banana and got moving. Then he saw his helmet. They have a helmet so they can go sledding. I told him it lives at school and no we can’t bring it back home. I felt I just had to make a point. Not to be the run over mom. Or the mom who gives in to everything her kids wants in the moment they want it. Oh boy what that point came back to bite me in my ass.

Anyways, he starts to scream his lungs out. I want my helmet. I waaaaaaant it. A police car makes less of a noise. Wailing we try to get forward to his big sisters school. He tries to climb out of the buggy. My big packet flies everywhere. I have to tilt the buggy horizontal so he wouldn’t use his feet as brakes and hurt himself. He screams and screams and screams. People stop in the street. Giving me the evil. WHAT. KIND. OF. MOM. ARE. YOU? STARE.
I try to talk to him, kiss him, make him think about something else. I try to just let him scream. Nothing works.
Sweaty from carrying all the books, the shame of being stared down, the failure of not being able to get him to stop crying, I, 25 minutes later, get to my daughters school. A walk that normally is done in 5 minutes. But by this hour me being late they have taken all the kids to another building. Another 300 meters off. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I start to cry my lungs out. Like a kid. Like my son who by then was sound asleep in the buggy. All the pavements are like rollercosters just icy and uneven. It was all so heavy. Both for my body both also my hart. Sobbing I called my husband.
-Oh it was so awful, I’m such a bad mom. He cried all the way. And now I can’t find Della. UUUHuuuhhuuuuh.
When I got to the big school it was really dark and the building was towering up like Hogwarths. With thousands of stairs I was now facing with a sleeping baby and arms full of bags. I just couldn’t stop crying. My eyes felt like they where red as warewolfe’s. I convinced a stranger dad from the school to watch over my little fella and ran in to get Della. She wasn’t bothered at all. She wanted to stay.
When we got home we all laughed about it. Until I realized that I had ordered the wrong books and had to send them back the day after.
I suppose it was just one of those days.

Image of Beppe from the back sleeve of our book Alla Balla Kalas. Photo by Erik Josjö