He cries, I cry – we both cried.

The other day I felt like just leaving my kid, my life and everything on the street and just run. Run like Forrest. I was having a rough day after lack of sleep the night before since I was working until 0200 in the morning finishing off a project in the workshop. Running to school to get my son in time I almost didn’t make it since I was carrying a super extra mega large packet with heavy books that I just had picked up from the post office alongside a big bag with lamps for my job I did on TV4 morning show -Saturday. So tired, stressed out and heavy cursing because isn’t the thing with ordering stuff online i.e. books that you will get them delivered to your door? I mean come on. I must have passed at least 3 book stores along the way to the post office.
Well when I got to his school he was hungry and a bit whiny but he got a banana and got moving. Then he saw his helmet. They have a helmet so they can go sledding. I told him it lives at school and no we can’t bring it back home. I felt I just had to make a point. Not to be the run over mom. Or the mom who gives in to everything her kids wants in the moment they want it. Oh boy what that point came back to bite me in my ass.

Anyways, he starts to scream his lungs out. I want my helmet. I waaaaaaant it. A police car makes less of a noise. Wailing we try to get forward to his big sisters school. He tries to climb out of the buggy. My big packet flies everywhere. I have to tilt the buggy horizontal so he wouldn’t use his feet as brakes and hurt himself. He screams and screams and screams. People stop in the street. Giving me the evil. WHAT. KIND. OF. MOM. ARE. YOU? STARE.
I try to talk to him, kiss him, make him think about something else. I try to just let him scream. Nothing works.
Sweaty from carrying all the books, the shame of being stared down, the failure of not being able to get him to stop crying, I, 25 minutes later, get to my daughters school. A walk that normally is done in 5 minutes. But by this hour me being late they have taken all the kids to another building. Another 300 meters off. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I start to cry my lungs out. Like a kid. Like my son who by then was sound asleep in the buggy. All the pavements are like rollercosters just icy and uneven. It was all so heavy. Both for my body both also my hart. Sobbing I called my husband.
-Oh it was so awful, I’m such a bad mom. He cried all the way. And now I can’t find Della. UUUHuuuhhuuuuh.
When I got to the big school it was really dark and the building was towering up like Hogwarths. With thousands of stairs I was now facing with a sleeping baby and arms full of bags. I just couldn’t stop crying. My eyes felt like they where red as warewolfe’s. I convinced a stranger dad from the school to watch over my little fella and ran in to get Della. She wasn’t bothered at all. She wanted to stay.
When we got home we all laughed about it. Until I realized that I had ordered the wrong books and had to send them back the day after.
I suppose it was just one of those days.
Isabelle

Image of Beppe from the back sleeve of our book Alla Balla Kalas. Photo by Erik Josjö

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27 Responses to He cries, I cry – we both cried.

  1. mette / ungt blod January 27, 2013 at 22:16 #

    I almost did that today! walking in the ice ice cold snow – both of us sick – with Rufus on a leash and Elinor in the stroller – Elinor crying because of the cold snow – rufus pulling the leash because of the cold snow – Elinor calling for her grandma who lives far far away – because she always gets her way with her grandma – me telling her that grandma was nowhere near and couldn’t stop the snow even if she was – elinor crying louder and louder for grandma – me, at that edge getting annoyed even with grandma —and then home and have hot chocolate!

    • Isabelle McAllister January 27, 2013 at 23:33 #

      Oh mette! I hate that when they start oh grandma, grandma or doing the oh daddy daddy. or Oh santa claus – whom ever is on their mind except the evil mom… Get better soon!

  2. Fenke January 27, 2013 at 22:26 #

    oh man – i know days like that! we had a rough two weeks, first our son was sick, then me. and he is having the worst screaming attacks over nothing these days – like when the cheese is in the “wrong” direction on the bread. last sunday was the worst. i was also crying, when he was crying. and literally thought “i cannot take this anymore!” and we also have our grandmas and aunts living to far away, so there is no help from time to time, you know on a regular basis. good to hear other peoples stories :-)

    • Isabelle McAllister January 27, 2013 at 23:34 #

      I hear you Fenke. Keep up the good job!

  3. Iris Vank January 27, 2013 at 22:39 #

    I feel for you! But the day after that MUST have been better. Right? ;)

    • Isabelle McAllister January 27, 2013 at 23:34 #

      Iris – it sure was! When he’s tired he cries more and the same for me. I went to bed really early!

  4. Estelle January 27, 2013 at 22:47 #

    Only a woman can live this. Maybe it’s in our X chromosome.Run-School-Work-Run-School-Home…

    (just wanna say that you are my favorite blog-site, all categories included, all over the world.)

    Estelle

    • Isabelle McAllister January 27, 2013 at 23:35 #

      Estelle – that makes me so happy to hear! Thank you! And I think the running is a woman thing. I mean I think we stress out more about doing it right and getting there on time. At least it’s like that in my family and with my girlfriends.

  5. Becky January 27, 2013 at 23:28 #

    More often than not, blogs seem to showcase only the most interesting and aesthetically pleasing aspects of family life so this post is a breath of fresh air! Don’t get me wrong, I love to read about happy families but it’s also nice to know that I’m not the only mother to have one of ‘those’ moments. Thank you! PS Absolutely love your blog

    • Isabelle McAllister January 27, 2013 at 23:37 #

      No Betty I’m hearing you and glad you appreciate it! I try to show different sides. Like when I was feeling down this autumn. http://dosfamily.com/2012/09/under-the-weather/
      We are all so much more alike so why not talk about it?
      xxx

  6. sofia January 27, 2013 at 23:29 #

    I know that days, for sure… puss!!

    • Isabelle McAllister January 27, 2013 at 23:38 #

      tack sofia- pussar tillbaka!

  7. Melissa@Julia's Bookbag January 28, 2013 at 05:41 #

    YOU POOR SWEETIE!!! Oh I’ve been having those days lately. lots and lots of them. My daughter has been bursting into tears every 5 minutes, it’s like she has something worse than PMS going on….and she’s 6.

    sigh. BREATHE. you are not alone!

    • Isabelle McAllister January 28, 2013 at 15:30 #

      Melissa- i know this is so fantastic to hear all the other stories. And you know when your a deep in it – it seems so big. But it’s just life!
      thanks for your support

  8. eni January 28, 2013 at 10:49 #

    oh how in know those days.
    when everything is going wrong.
    and the only thing you wanna do ist crying like a child and going to bed with a blanket over your head…hoping for another day is coming. a better day..of course!
    thanks for sharing this.
    you are not alone..we are moms…and just human.
    and…it´s good, when we can laugh over all this…after time passed by!

    liebgruss
    eni

    • Isabelle McAllister January 28, 2013 at 15:34 #

      Eni – yeah it’s so good to be able to laugh about it. To just see it as one of those days! I believe we all need to do it more

  9. Lydia January 28, 2013 at 12:22 #

    Oh my, do I get comforted by reading you all!!!!Indeed, sometimes one feels lonely when all these things happen (and they often happen together, all that can be wrong gets wrong at the same moment, fu ‘ ing Murphy’s law.)
    So, thanks a lot to you all for sharing all this, it kind of comforts me, really. Today, at the end of the working day, when I have to do all the run-take the train on time-school-home-dinners-baths-cleaning-more work i couldn’t do to be on time to pick up children at school-etcetc I will feel you all close☺

    Thanks a lot, this means incredibly much to me!!!

    • Isabelle McAllister January 28, 2013 at 15:35 #

      Lydia – i’m happy you feel it’s a good thing! But it also makes me a bit sad – I mean for all of us. That we all think we are more alone in things like this. big kisses!
      isabelle

  10. Martina January 28, 2013 at 12:40 #

    Åh fy…det finns nästan inget/ingen som kan göra en så frustrerad, arg och ledsen som ens underbara barn. Och alltid så händer det en miljon andra dryga saker samtidigt som ens ungar har sina utbrott, och alltid på de mest olämpliga platser. I hear you Isabelle! Det allra jobbigaste med dessa situationer, tycker jag, är att jag alltid får sådana skuldkänslor sen på kvällen när barnen sover, och tycker att jag hanterade situationen dåligt osv. DET är jobbigast tycker jag…

    Tack för att du delar med dig så att man vet att man inte är ensam om det! :)

    • Isabelle McAllister January 28, 2013 at 15:36 #

      eller hur martina det är väl det som är murphys law att mackan alltid trillar med smörsidan ner på golvet elelr att de där utbrotten kommer när man är som tröttast själv! fan för det ;-)

  11. Allie January 28, 2013 at 14:16 #

    Ahh hunny, I feel for you! I have been like this today wandering round what my purpose in life is! Then I remember my family! I have been poorly for a while now and my eldest was there just when I needed him the most. He is not at college today, he is looking after me. He went to the doctors with me, got my medication I needed, helped me with my shopping and made me lunch. He is just about going to make me have a lie down. And yes I feel like crying, I want to stop the spinning. And to wake up happy! You will be okay soon I promise!!!

    • Isabelle McAllister January 28, 2013 at 15:37 #

      And Allie I hope you will too! Sounds great to be taken a little care of! Enjoy it! and i cross my finger that things will turn for you!

  12. Jennifer January 28, 2013 at 18:58 #

    Oh wow! I feel for you. I experienced something similar with my son about a month ago. He didn’t want to go outside, so he started screaming and wailing inconsolably. I had to put him down and he immediately threw himself onto the ground. I had to sit down to hold him as I was afraid he would hurt himself. Someone passed by and gave me a look like “your son is out of control and it must be your fault (or so I thought)!” A very nice gentleman with his 6 year old son came over and asked if I need help and said a few times “it gets better, listen to me, it gets better”. I think he was Italian (such kind people)… Anyway, that was quite an experience….

  13. Sophie January 28, 2013 at 22:35 #

    Hope today was a better day!! Thanks for sharing – love to read the lovely inspiration found here, then nice to see as you say that we’re all the same! We’re going through a snot storm in this household and the “snot aspiration session” (don’t know if people do that in Sweden, but we do here in Belgium) are taking their toll on all parties involved (and not working that well unfortunately)…

    (geez, does it take such a confession for me to de-lurk! THANKS for the blog!!)

  14. Vicky H. January 29, 2013 at 09:12 #

    Just wanted to check in today too and see how things were going.
    I can understand (slightly) how you felt. My sister has three little boys (all under the age of three!) and when we go out as a family, I can start to feel frustrated when the oldest is crawling under the table and the middle child is yelling out “monster truck?!?” and the baby is crying because he is tired. Even though we have a lot of support, it can still get to you. But then I think about the awesome job my sister is doing as a mother and I pick up one of the little monsters who then gives me a hug, kiss or a smile, and, at least for me the frustrations go away–until the middle child creates for himself a mustache out of barbecue sauce and the oldest is attempting to steal a cell phone. :-)

    • birgitta January 29, 2013 at 13:11 #

      How well do we not all recognize the situation you were in!
      Here is a tip from an older and and a lot wiser great grandmother (approaching her 90ies) if you compare to me, a 70-year-old grandmother.
      Last week her two-year-old great granddaughter was crying her heart out and would not stop, not until this great grandmother herself started howling on the top of her lungs.
      An immediate effect and the end of that tantrum!
      Worth trying is it not.

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